Sharing my work with 350+ CEOs at the Young Presidents’ Organization conference, NYC.
What every leader should know about trauma.
She was unraveling fast.
Did not have to end that way.
A few years ago, I was brought in to coach a senior leader at a financial company.
She was smart. Driven. Productive.
And creating havoc with her perfectionist, dismissive, controlling style.
It quickly became clear: this was not a leadership skill and style problem.
She was depressed, anxious, and operating from old trauma patterns.
I told HR she did not need more coaching or feedback.
She needed trauma-informed therapy for better and faster results.
They stayed with coaching.
A few months later, she was fired.
I was sad. I believe a better outcome was possible for her and the company.
Her situation wasn’t unique.
Happens in business all the time.
Trauma is us
You think trauma is a niche issue? Think again.
Many people don’t know what trauma means.
See this TED talk. About 63.9% of U.S. adults report at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), and 17.3% report four or more. ACE data is a predictor of trauma and various health complications later in life.
Among U.S. high school students, the numbers are even more striking: about 76.1% report at least one ACE, and 18.5% report four or more.
Many continue living with trauma effects in how they work, relate, lead, parent, or love.
This is trauma
The word trauma comes from Latin. It means “emotional wound.”
Trauma forms following a somewhat predictable pattern.
…We may experience dramatic experiences. Such as violence, abuse, poverty, war (big “T”). Or, neglect, shame, deprivation, humiliation (small “t”).
…Incidents turn traumatic when there is too much intensity, too fast, too long. Or not having enough of what you needed (love, security, attention), for far too long.
…Then we may become overwhelmed, AND IF we feel all alone, unsupported, and stuck.
…Our brilliant body begins protective patterns (to numb the pain); Fight. Flight. Freeze. Appease/Please.
We become dysregulated.
Traum sticks.
Long after the traumatic experiences, your body may still enact those patterns when triggered.
Trauma coping patterns slowly become our identity stories.
Stories about ourselves, the world, relationships, and how to succeed.
These stories etch how we habitually live our lives.
History repeating.
Talk therapy and coaching often can’t resolve trauma
Trauma lives in your nervous system. Not your mind.
Our nervous system communicates in sensations, hormones, energy, flow, pain, contraction or release.
Not in words.
Reading about trauma doesn’t fix it.
Understanding doesn’t fix it.
Talking about it doesn’t fix it.
The emerging science is clear: trauma lives in the body.
That’s where healing should begin, through somatic, body-centered therapeutic work.
The therapy outcomes could be cathartic and restorative.
A life reboot.
Why leaders should care
Because trauma does not stay private.
Trauma is woven into the organization’s very fabric.
It walks with you into…the boardroom, team meetings, bedroom, dinner table, and your health.
Some leaders keep trying to solve people problems as strategic challenges.
Better structure. Better process. Better accountability.
Sometimes that is the answer. Often it’s something deeper.
Here’s a sharper lens to consider.
10 trauma facts leaders should know
1. Your trauma operates faster than your mind
What you lived through did not just leave memories.
It left reflexive thinking and actions.
The chaotic home. Hurtful relationships. The years of not feeling loved, seen, or heard.
Your patterns show up before your mind decides.
2. What got you here, won’t get you there
Relentlessness. Hyper-independence. Intensity. Type A. Perfectionism.
These qualities are often prized as the winning attributes.
At times, these are also trauma survival patterns.
They may also keep you stuck, exhaust your team, strain your relationships, and drain you.
3. High achievement is often organized around old wounds
Many leaders did not become exceptional by accident.
They became exceptional because some part of them decided early; I will never be powerless again.
So, they will it. Became sharper. Faster. Stronger. More needed.
That’s ambition secretly trying to protect an old vulnerability.
4. You cannot think your way out of a body-level pattern
You read the books. Journal routinely. Explain brilliantly.
Yet, nothing changes. You snap, get edgy, and go numb routinely.
Because trauma is not just a knowledge problem. It is a nervous system problem.
Your body remembers, and needs to re-learn new patterns.
5. Your team absorbs what you carry
Your trauma patterns are insidious. They spread to team members.
“Dysregulated” leaders set the team’s emotional bar.
Others unknowingly calibrate to the level of your anxiety to protect you; protect themselves.
This is consequential; you may see less innovation, breakthroughs, less engagement.
6. Teams can be traumatized too
A controling leader. Chronic uncertainty dressed up as agility. Constant changes.
People feel and remember.
So when your bold new vision lands with a thud, it may be your team’s nervous system saying, “This is too much. Not again.”
7. Your team listens to words, but follows your body language
Psychological safety starts with you.
Most organizational silence is learned.
Maybe you got defensive. Maybe your face said enough before your words did.
Your face and nervous system are also talking. People notice.
8. Under pressure, you revert to your old “default”
Fight. Freeze. Disappear. Please. Perform. Control.
Do you know your patterns? Do you attack? Micromanage? Dismiss?
The goal is not being 100% calm; but catching your autopilot sooner.
More choosing. Less reacting.
9. Some strategy problems are really nervous-system problems
Not every misalignment is structural. Is the org chart the real issue?
Perhaps no one can challenge authority, call out fuzzy assumptions, or the team has learned to stay silent around an edgy executive.
Look deeper at your team’s emotional dynamics.
10. Doing your own healing is a leadership accelerator
It may be one of your most valuable investments.
Not just for you.
For your company. Your team. Your partner. Your kids. Future generations.
A quick, nervous-system check
Just a more revealing set of probes. Not a diagnosis.
Read them slowly. Out loud if possible.
Notice what happens in your body, breathing, gut, physical sensation, or thoughts as you read these.
- Is it hard for you to relax, slow down, without feeling guilty or restless?
- Do you often scan the room without realizing it, tracking who is upset, distant, or off?
- Do you make yourself smaller, nicer, or easy-going so things do not get tense or angry?
- When conflict arises, do you shut down, go blank, or emotionally vacate?
- When your life feels uncertain, do you drive harder, get analytical, and try to control more?
- Do you have ongoing gut problems, shallow breathing, health complications, or body pain?
- Do you carry feelings of hurt, self-criticism, or shame for long periods of time?
- Do you carry other people’s emotions as if they are yours to manage?
- Do you dismiss your own fatigue, sadness, or pain and keep performing anyway?
- Do you look successful and positive on the outside but feel flat, lonely, or uneasy inside?
If these questions made you pause, do not brush them off.
Perhaps this blog is a nudge to “do your inner work.”
Be a pattern-breaker leader
You may be repeating an old survival pattern that’s no longer working for you.
You can change your patterns.
I help leaders and teams break old patterns and develop better ones so they can lead with more strength, calm, and truth.
Book a free Leader Clarity Call.
30 minutes. Explore how you’d live and lead better through our work together.
This conversation changes everything.
Dr. Ardeshir Mehran
Learn more: Therapy & Testimonials
A psychologist, depression and trauma expert, and leadership coach. Many see depression as an immovable cause. Ardeshir busts this myth and focuses attention on the real culprit: unfulfilled lives and the denial of our inner truth. Depression can be reliably healed.
BONUS:
Download my book chapter on trauma: From Isolation to Connection
Know the latest practical science on trauma. Explore the reliable self-guided practices to energize your body and feel better.
Love Always,
-Ardeshir
Dr. Ardeshir Mehran
hello@ardeshirmehran.com
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