Your anger signals that something in you is abandoned.
I love the color red.
Not “holiday red.”
I mean Ferrari red. Brave. Bold.
Red is the color of anger, as the old adage goes: “I see red.”
Which means: Something in me just got crossed.
And here’s what I often see in therapy sessions:
Some of the most sacred moments aren’t when a client cries.
Happens when someone finally “sees red” and says, clearly, almost surprised:
“Ugh…I’m angry.”
Not rage-y angry.
Not “throw the lamp” angry.
Just honest anger.
An awakening.
The long-buried feelings that have been living underneath being nice.
In such moments, their story changes…
along with their voice, posture, and the look in their eyes.
They stop spinning.
Their power comes back online.
For many high-functioning, pleasant people…
the path to higher growth goes straight through their anger.
Notice Your Anger
Anger often signals a nice person’s depression.
Depression = Deprivation.
Because when anger goes unexpressed, it doesn’t disappear. It relocates.
It shows up as:
- constant helpfulness slowly turning into resentment
- over-functioning
- a smile that feels hollow
- persistent physical pain
- being the reliable one…and secretly wanting to vanish
If you’ve felt any of this, you’re not “too sensitive.”
You’re probably silencing your truth.
Respect Your Anger
Anger is your alarm system.
It says: “Something here needs to change.”
Anger tends to emerge when:
- a boundary is violated (your time, body, dignity, space, values)
- a need is unmet repeatedly (attention, respect, fairness, desire)
- a truth is disowned (you pretend you’re okay when you’re not)
- power feels one-sided (others demand; you comply)
- your “no” gets dismissed (leading to guilt, conflict, rejection)
Anger is meant to protect your integrity.
But many high-functioning, polite people learned early that anger was risky.
Maybe you were taught:
- If you expressed anger, you were “too much,” “dramatic,” or “disrespectful.”
- If you had needs, you were a burden.
- If you said no, you risked disapproval, conflict, or abandonment.
So, you became skilled at smoothing, pleasing…and silencing.
And when anger has nowhere clean to go, it usually goes in two directions:
External: sarcasm, sexual coldness, avoidance, passive aggression, “forgetting,” emotional distance
Internal: gut churning, chest pressure, numbness, physical pain, depression
If this resonates, remember: You didn’t lose anger. You redirected it.
Release Your Anger
Change starts with noticing.
If you can see it, you don’t need to be it.
If you’ve ever said “I’m fine” while resentful inside…notice if any of these are true:
- You’re overly reliable, agreeable, low-maintenance
- You say yes quickly… then resent later
- You avoid conflict… then withdraw warmth
- You’re generous…then feel used
- You keep the peace…and lose yourself in the process
Anger doesn’t need to become an eruption.
Anger is data about how you’re living your life.
Anger also nudges you to stop disappearing and return to self-respect.
Be brave. Be bold.
A therapy experience right for you
If you’re successful, composed, and quietly depleted, this is exactly the work I do.
Learn more: Therapy & Testimonials
Contact me for an exploratory call.
Love Always,
Dr. Ardeshir Mehran
hello@ardeshirmehran.com
Dr. Mehran Studio | LinkedIn
Podcasts | Blogs | YouTube
Bestselling Book: You Are Not Depressed. You Are Un-Finished.
