Are You Really Living?
“I want to live, not merely survive
And I won’t give up this dream
Of life that keeps me alive.”
Music: I’ve Got To Be Me, Sammy Davis Jr.
Today marks the 3rd anniversary of the release of my book, “You Are Not Depressed. You Are Un-Finished.”
To this day, with a tinge of concern, I am asked what’s behind my obsession with depression.
People still say…
“Talking about depression is depressing.”
“You’d only attract really sick therapy clients.”
“Why bother? Focus instead on trendy topics like resiliency or burnout?”
They don’t see what I see.
In such moments, I think of the Hebrew phrase, L’Chaim.
It means “to life.”
It’s a heartfelt toast to life, a communal celebration.
A testament to the joy of shared moments.
L’Chaim reminds me of my “why” for doing this work.
My eyes are fixated not on the illness.
But on the story of so many beautiful lives marred by depression.
Inconvenient Truth
The focus of this work and obsession started with a jarring realization.
I had seen multiple clinicians for my depression and tried medication over the years.
We had insightful and compassionate conversations in therapy.
We discussed feelings, actions, and plans.
On the surface, therapy looked useful.
Underneath, I was silently screaming.
I did not need more symptom management.
I needed to be met.
Awakened…
Data shows that executives, high achievers, founders, entrepreneurs experience depression, as well as anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, bipolar disorder, addiction, or suicidal thoughts at two to three times the rates of the general population.
Status, wealth, packed calendars, and strong personas can hide a private unraveling.
And the contemporary symptom-management therapy for depression can be costly, lengthy, and with fleeting outcomes.
Depression often returns.
Suffering persists.
If my words resonate, know this…you are not alone.
WE CAN DO BETTER.
Remove Depression’s Mask
There is a belief that depression is the cause of your unhappiness.
It is not.
Your depression is the product of your long fight against living an unfulfilled life.
Depression is not the cause.
It is a signal of your surrender.
And it is exhausting.
A painful fight.
A lingering fight.
And it can cost you your truth, your power, your choices, and your aliveness.
So…you keep going.
You function.
You smile.
You numb what hurts.
You call it life… and keep wondering, “What’s wrong with me?”
Listen to Life Stories, Not Count the Symptoms
Most clinicians miss the deeper meaning of depression.
They use tools like the PHQ-9, the common depression assessment. It asks about sleep, appetite, energy, concentration, pleasure, and mood.
Useful questions.
But not enough.
PHQ-9 can miss the fuller life story of someone with depression.
I have seen many professionals scoff at the instrument.
Their emotions, diet, sleep, health, and pleasure fluctuate because of their lifestyle. They tolerate extended periods of physical, emotional, and spiritual duress.
The depth of their depression pain may not be fully realized.
Instead, ask better questions to reveal life stories.
You would then hear that depression often feels like emptiness, disconnection, isolation, restlessness, heaviness, fragmentation, and a painful yearning for a life that feels missing.
That is why depression hurts so much.
So in my therapy, I do not simply count symptoms.
I listen for the life underneath them.
I ask questions like these:
- What do you keep giving or conceding that you no longer have enough of for yourself? (Deprivation)
- What part of you have you silenced to be loved, accepted, included, or safe? (Denying)
- Where have you lost touch with your body, your desire, your people, or your aliveness? (Disconnection)
- What do you rely on to avoid the hurt and the painful truths of your life? (Distraction)
My clients often experience a gush of release, validation, and clarity as we work through these questions.
As a client recently said, “This work made me make sense to myself.”
Live the Life Meant for You
As Sammy Davis Jr. further sings, “I can’t be right for somebody else, if I’m not right for me.”
Depression separates people from their true lives.
That separation must be reversed.
As my 30 years of research have revealed, these Seven Emotional Rights are the true antidote to depression.
That’s how you claim your own life.
Helping clients restore these emotional rights is the backbone of my therapeutic approach.
I Belong
I get to feel safe, close, held, and wanted in my close relationships.
I get to love and be loved without losing myself.
I Am Complete
What happened to me in the past is not all of me.
My pain shaped me, but it does not own me.
I Am Boundless
My body is powerful, alive, not a burden.
I get to move, want, sense, enjoy, lust, rest, and trust myself again.
I Matter
I am included, do not have to earn my place by disappearing.
My needs matter. My presence matters.
I Make
I am here to bring something real into the world.
My voice, care, work, and creations leave a mark.
I Am
I express my truth, convictions, and heart.
I stand powerfully in what I know.
I Soar
I am here to rise.
I follow my calling, step into my purpose, and live the life meant for me.
A More Powerful Way Forward
Your depression may be trying to tell the truth that your life has not had permission to say out loud.
I invite you to take a stand.
Ask yourself:
Where have I been deprived?
What have I been denied?
Where am I disconnected?
What distractions are keeping me from my truth?
Then ask the ultimate question:
Which Emotional Right am I ready to reclaim?
L’Chaim.
To your life.
To your return.
To the life still waiting for you to claim.
Finally.
Contact me if you want to live more, love more, be more.
Let’s Schedule a Free Clarity Call.
30 minutes. This conversation changes everything.
Dr. Ardeshir Mehran
Learn more: Therapy & Testimonials
A psychologist, depression and trauma expert, and leadership coach. Many see depression as an immovable cause. Ardeshir busts this myth and focuses attention on the real culprit: unfulfilled lives and the denial of our inner truth. Depression can be reliably healed.
Love Always,
-Ardeshir
Dr. Ardeshir Mehran
hello@ardeshirmehran.com
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Bestselling Book: You Are Not Depressed. You Are Un-Finished.
